John Wayne’s Bobbit


A little something from ’93. A little off-color.
Sung to the “Beverly Hillbillies”

Come and listen to my story
‘bout John Wayne Bobbit
a little ex-marine
with a really nasty habit

He’d abuse all his women
with punches and with rape
when his hand wouldn’t work
he just had to fornicate

Screw that is, jump bones, damn hormones.

Well Lorena said to Johnny
you can’t do that any more
so Johnny boinked her one more time
and threw her out the door

Then he went to sleep
and left his wiener unprotected
Lorena figured no more rape
if Winston was de-neckted

From the body weaned, guillotined.

She opened up the back door
in the kitchen she did sneak
she grabbed a nine inch bowie knife
in the bedroom she did peak

Johnny was a layin’ there
his lizard out in view
Lorena had no second thoughts
she knew what she had to do

One quick slice… very nice.

With his Member in her left hand
and the Bowie in her right
she tugged on Johnny’s Johnson
and beheld an eerie sight

With one quick swipe from Bowie
the evil critter went a flyin’
and Johnny Boy was left there
grabbin’ Stumpy and a crying’

Overnight transvestite.

Well Lorena took the Wiggler
and down the street she did go
cops, paramedics and firemen
were searchin’ for it high and low

They found it in the bushes
and they packed it up in ice
they brought it to the ER
with old John to reunite

Reattach, home at last.

Well the moral to this story
is easy to comprehend
if you mistreat your life partner
She’ll get even in the end

For the doctor sewed and stitched
but found he’d done the job all wrong
for when Johnny gets excited
it don’t go up, it goes straight down.

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6 thoughts on “John Wayne’s Bobbit

  1. Who would even take the chance of mistreating after reading this? 🙂 Very entertaining, Steve, and although I’m female, the word “ouch” came to mind right after the sixth verse! 🙂

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